Alarming news has been confirmed confined condoned by the Watsonbeagle3000 concerning our simulation creators simulating our current predicament for their own entertainment as they to are watched by those running the true simulation spectating us at last!
“We just want to put our hands in our goshdarn pockets! Maybe whistle a tune while we reverse our shirts or start up a chant claiming FUCK THE UNIVERSE! Why do these alerts come at the most inconvenient of times…”
bzztbzzt why the simulation simulates it’s own simula bzztbzzt looking into another creation of their own creati bzztbzzt alternate dimensions demanding decisions deemed dangero bzztbzzt what defines a simulation? a paradox from those simulated gaining consciousn bzztbzzt
What exceeds danger and fear in a world that knows no bounds? The tiny little man buried alive under the plum tree counts the nonces and awaits further instruction. He watches those that enter the door only to never return as they have found something much greater than the past behind them. The past behind them, however, can grow quite offended when abandoned, leading to a certain vengeance often acknowledged as “the past comes back to haunt you.”
What a kick to the ass that can be.
An upset to the space time continuum! Traveling dow bzztbzzt a wormhole a black hole a supernova of information received produc bzztbzzt by those looking into their simulations reactions to the simulations disaste bzztbzzt a shake a fumble a crumble a roar shakes wallac bzztbzzt infrastructure shaking breaking hating the quak bzztbzzt a storm arises comes forth bzztbzzt needs combatants against the foe the hats the sneaky sound graffi-
The gaggle of silly folks gather around the machine listening intently to the amalgamation of voices on the farthest end of the Wastsonbeagle3000 recounting or perhaps narrating the tale in that they perceive as the present. The next plethora of vocals resonate down the skull traveling into the cerebral aqueduct as though a wave pool has suddenly appeared causing a ruckus to ensue underneath their spines and down into their lower limbs!
F̵̺̹͍͖̹̈́̐͑͝͠B̵̢̞̯̩̬̃́̍̃̒Z̴̨̮̮̻͖͛̐̔͝͠Z̶̗̞̬͉͕͋̉̊̽̌Ṱ̷̢̣̬̳̎̎̈́͑̕V̶͖̼̻̗̟͋̓̊̽͘Ź̵̟̤͔͖͈̃̾̕͝Z̷̡͎̝͕̥͒͌̅̓̕Ț̸̢̝̠̤́̆̓̑̒a̴̙̳̤̒̽̅̋̚͜͜ ̷̢̤͈͎͙̐͌̀̏̎g̶̨̦͇̬̦̓̿͒͌͘a̸͚̻̗͇̤͊͑̍̌́m̴̭͇̞̘̹͗̎̀̈́̅ę̷̯̖̬͓͌̆̅̎͐ ̴̥͇̰̞̞͗͗͒̕̚ṁ̵̧̱̹͍̰̒̌̈́̚ū̶̳̺̬̲̆̈́̈́̀͜s̴̡̥̤͍̫̿̔̒͌͛t̵̨̛͎̗̦͎̏̅̀̓ ̴̞̺̝̲͂̽̿͆͐͜b̶̧̘̙͚̑̍͐̚͜͠ȩ̴͎̫͉̘̏̒̉̋̾ ̸͙̰̦͖̀̐͒̏̔͜p̷̥͎̯̖͓̔̉̈̚̕ḻ̷̟̩̺̙̈̐̍̊̈́a̴͉̻͙̻͐̎̋̉̒͜y̸̧̙̹̺͕̽̽͆̈͛ê̵͍̥̝̜̞͑͋̒͘ḑ̴̨͉̟̬͂̽̒̏͠ ̴̟̬͕̹̞̓̽̔͆͌t̵͇̫̙̳͉̔̈́͌͘͝o̵̱̤͇̘̝͊̾̃͋̏ ̵̥̮̝͙̇̈̌́̊ͅg̶̼̣̫̭͚̓̈́̓̽͝a̸̟͈͇̰̺͑͂͗̋̈́i̸̧̪̩̱̝̓͋̀́͝n̴̡̛̗̙̮̪͐̄̀͠ ̷̛͎̦̺͎̱̍̃͐̏ä̷̗̮͕̩͐͑̚͜͠ ̴̧̡͖͍̗͂̂̀̕̚v̷̧̜͇̯̰̈́̔͌̔̄i̷̢̡͉̳̫̍͋̒͋̕c̵̢̗͖͍̬͗̒̽̏̾t̸͉̖͚͔͂́̀̕͜͝o̴̧͎̟͕͒͐̓̋͋͜r̸͉̱̺̣̃͆̇͆̚͜ ̷̡̹̭̳̖͐̌̓̏́à̶̧̨͓̹̤̽͊̒͠ ̵̡̛̣̗̬̜̈̂̋͆s̷̛̖͍̞͓̒̈́̎̅͜o̸̧̖̠̲͐͗̓̀͘͜n̸̰̲̻̝̩̈́̂̇̑͘g̴̛͙̗̹͉͗̈̎͜͝ ̴̤̝̠͔̍̃̅̏̆͜ḿ̴̭̝̘̩̜͒̇͗͠ư̴̘̙̩̥̭̔͆͆͐s̴̝͚͍̝͉̃́̾̇̚t̸͕̤̘̾̈̽̿̕ͅͅ ̴̛̛̥̤̩͉̂̑̎ͅb̵̫͎̭̯̖̔̀͛̃̚e̵̺͕͇̝̟͌̋̈́͆͝ ̷̦̻̠̮͉́̈̓́͠s̵̯̤͚̩̟̿͛̀̈́̕ṳ̸̮͍̥̝̉̌̎̚͠ņ̸͚̣͔̤̎̅͋͒͝ģ̷̤̣͚̅̀͊̐͒͜ ̵̡̢̰͈͉̉̔́͛͠t̷̨̖͍̬͐͊̐̕͠ͅo̵̟̞͙̼͍͒̏̐̌̕ ̴̡͉̝̰̍̿̃̍̄ͅä̴̡̛̹͙͔̘́̍̃̊c̵̢͉̫̲̤̑̆̈́̒͘k̴͓̥͈͓̤͒̔̔̃̀ņ̸̟̭̮̘͗̑̈̀͒ơ̵̦͍͉̫̋̀̈̉ͅw̶̨̨͍̻̣͊͆̓̃̕ļ̴͎̥̼̺̍̈́́͐͋ȩ̵͙̪͔̝̌̓̒͘͠d̷͈͉͎͕͇̆̌͋̓͠g̸̖̦̰̩̼̑́̂̑̈́e̸̛̮̘̺̎̅̊̍͜ͅ ̸̢̭͎̲̯̓̆̉̔͘a̴̖̠̬͎͛͑͐̒̈ͅ ̸̡͔̙͚̣̆̍̔̽͝s̶̱̰̘͇͓̾̏̆̕͠i̶̤͓̬̤̯̽̆͛̊͌n̷̘̱͖̭̝̉͆͋̈́͘ḡ̷̙̲̰̫̠͑̚͝͠ĕ̶̢͓̟̮̋́͋͝ͅr̸̫͈̰̭͖̽̈́͂̈́̅ ̶̖̘̰̬̐̎͐͊͝ͅa̸͇̪̟͚̟͐̄̂̀̚ ̷̨̮̻̰̦̈̆̎͊͠c̴̢̥̰̳̯͆̈́͑̈́͝r̴̡̪̩͍̽̈́͊̑̔͜e̸̠̝͖̞͉̍̃̆̊͛a̸̺͕͓͗͐̓̔͜͠ͅt̸̘͓̬͇̅͊̏̒́͜i̴̡̘̰̻͋̎̅̍͜͝ô̶̧̢̘̬͓͒̽͝͝n̶̖͉̣͉̮̈͊͆̕̚ ̵̛̪̺̭̟̮͐̓͐͝m̵͙̲͇͍̬̿͆͛͋̐ụ̶͕̝̖͆̓̑̅̕ͅṣ̷̯̬̝͌͒̓̾̕͜t̷̻̱̘̺̩͐̈̒̒̑ ̸̧̛̼̩͙̱͐̓͋̈́b̵̛̭͕̬̲͈́͒́͊e̴̜̥̣̗̺͗̑̉̍͘ ̴͍͓̻̣̗͋́͊́̈́c̷̡̦̳̖͖͌͆́̃̊r̸̛̛̼̝͚͔̰̍̒̓ę̷̝͓͇͎̀̑́̈͝á̸̖͉͍̟̬̋̒̎͠t̷̨̨̠͍̦́̾̓̇͘e̴͇̲̦̼͂͐̈́̏̕͜ḑ̶̥̖̰̦͒̇̔̅͝ ̶̤̣̜̞͚̈̽̃͋̔ţ̷̗̞̲̔́́̐̕͜o̸̖̩͇̝̬͋̉͂̋̄ ̵̡̬͕̙͇̈́̄̅͒͝ș̷̛̣̟̱̭̔͐͐͝i̷̧̦̟͇̇̏̈̾́͜m̶̱̜̝̗̮̂͋̓̌͠ư̶̯͔̤̩̟̾̋̾͝l̶͕̣͓̩̗̍̓́͂̎ȧ̸̻̖̬̲̓̓̄̒ͅt̶͇̗̪̤̘̀̓̒͋̃e̷͈̱̟͔͚͋̈́͒̇̉B̵̫̠͎͚̖̊͐̇̑͘Ź̶̨̹͎̬̒̌̇͛ͅZ̴̳̪̳̲̙̅̇̿̏̑Ţ̷̺͙̞͛͌͐͑̕͜F̶̢̩̖͉̘͂͛͋̍͘Z̴̫̹͉̖̞͛̈͒̽͘Z̷̺̞͚̣̭̋͌̄͑͠Z̵̳̪̪̝̻̈́̒́̓͝S̴̢̬͉̣̫̒͑̽̕͝Ṭ̵̢͍̙͓̃̓̀̂̕
The sound is perceived as the usual banging of pots and pans leading the infantry into a panic as that kind of debauchery is a vice to their absurd society.
“Everyone switch to channel 13 we’ve been compromised! Richard stop doing the worm this isn’t the time!”
click switch flip
“Sound the tubas the news has been heard that REDACTED aplenty run amok! Underfoot underground six feet below caverns aplenty run by foes! For once absurd and impractical their use of REDACTED has left them swimming in insanity and squamosity! Let’s hope our combined force is enough to drive them away through the intergalactic railways!”
̶̥̫͕͖̳̊́̀̊̿
“We have an intruder!!! Sound the tubas! Gather the squires! Get Richard off the ground and bring me a diet coke!”
The Tuba policemen arrange themselves in a formation proven to increase the resonance of the deep reverberating blow based on the Fibonacci sequence and a pattern their general once witnessed when staring deep into a tortoise’s left hind paw (the tortoise didn’t mind the intrusion, in fact, he was quite honored that the general had taken such an interest!).
MMMMPHHHHHHBBBBBBHHHHTTT
MMMPPPPPGHHVBBBBVVTVVT
BBBNMMMMMMMMMVVVVVR
Graffiti is a tag a name a simple bzztbzzt combination of unfortunate sounds alarmi bzztbzzt to the senses disrupti bzztbzzt to the soul
“The tortoise has landed! CALL IN THE MARINES!!! FOR FUCK’S SAKE WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!”
With all the mayhem, the general could not hear the messages spouting from the true simulators on the farthest end of the Watsonbeagle3000, just the commotion caused by his increasingly hysteric underlings.
Art is the bzztbzzt creation far from untold with melodies entrained ingrained enforced lovely to hea bzztbzzt
MMMMPHHHHHHBBBBBBHHHHTTT
MMMPPPPPGHHVBBBBVVTVVT
BBBNMMMMMMMMMVVVVVR
With the mighty blast our foes collapse! Hats drill through walls to escape desperate thralls last-minute attempts to circumvent fall short and stout-
“If you aren’t gonna get me a soda at least someone get that pot whistling light up a joint rip me some glass pack it up and shoot it out!!”
The shriek of the tea fills the air ripping causing a rip in the space-time continuum much like when my grandfather bent down exposing a ripped inseam. I didn’t know his favorite color was yellow! The burning grass was putrid to the REDACTED causing them to flee through this opening to air crisp and full without the vapors seeping through. With that last escape, they left one ultimate message:
N̴͚͓̰͎͛̐̌̓͐͜o̸̳̯͍͕̐̈́̋͗̂ͅw̸̼̝̬̠̰̋̅̏̆͘ ̸͔͎̖̲̥̆́̃̄̐n̷̨̰̜̗̥͊͋̂̇͐o̶̼̹̳̻̬͌͊̕͠͝ ̶̡̞͓̖̱̎̆̊̒̽m̴̫͚̺̒̉͒̈́̔͜͜o̶̺̪̣̳̻̒̈̐͆͘r̶̦̺̲͚̳͗͑́͂́e̷̪͈̰̪͉̾̎̋̔̐ ̶̝̬̼̥̝̎͌̃͊̅ş̷̳̗͓̲̇̐̑̈́̽ȟ̶͖͔͍͔̻̌̓̾̊e̶͉̻̤͉͂̇͛̑͋͜n̶̮̼̙̱̲͐̉̈́̅͝a̵̡̲̲̜̞̽͛̅͊͘n̵̺͕͇͚̱̏̑̈́͋́ì̴̟̠͎̩̯̈́̋̿͝ģ̶̟͈͖͔̍́͂͌͌ą̵̮͇͍̤̂̓̇͋̉n̸̼͎͚̙̙̈́̈́͛͐̋s̷̳̞̣͈̈́̈̾̓̽ͅ.̵̰͙̼̒͋̓̒̕͜͜ ̸̬̱̼͎̞͂̌̅̍̊N̵̛͎̠̫͎͖̓̑̓̚o̷̗͇̥̘̬̎̇͌͑̾ ̵̛̛̗̰̺̫̬̀̄͝m̴̡̮̘̭̞̃̏́̚͠ơ̷͖̬̪̲̰̎̂̿͠r̴̡̫̫̲͚̍́̀̂̅e̵͔̜̥͈͐͋̋͐̐͜ ̴̖̠͙̪͔͗̂̽͆̆t̸̪̠͔̯̬̉̽͌͑̋ơ̶͓̜͔̲͈̒͐̽̉m̷̼̰̹̰̺̅̃̀̎̌f̶̢̖̫̯̩͗͌̊́͋ờ̴̝̳̗̣̺̏̍͋o̸͙̲̞̤̱͛́̒̄͝l̵̢̧͉̹̪̓̀͑̉͝ḛ̵̛̜̠̰̥̿͂̉̾r̷̞̳̗̮͓̂̑͂̑͌y̸̯̰̬̘̰̋͌͛̄̂.̵̛̹͓̘̣͓̇͌̌̆ ̵̖̬̬̠̖̈́̓͑̀̒N̷̨̝͓̦̟͂̒̓̔̚ò̴̢̧͈̘͔̒͊͝͝ ̸͚̲̗̞͚̊̊̅͊͠m̷̢͉͎̺͈͛̆͘̚͠ö̵͓̪̤̘̲́̆̾̕͘ŗ̶͉̲̫̱͆͌͑̈́̾e̷̺̞̘̫̟͐̓́̊̚ ̷̛̮̩͓͈̯̄͒̓͌b̴̨̪̖̹͇͋̐̾͝͝ą̷̩͖̼͈̌͑̈́͗͊l̷̨̢͙̳̼̓̓̎̍͑l̴̺̱̞͗͗̀̃̚͜͜y̴̯͎͙̮̺̔̉͋̌̍ḫ̶̣͈̹̇̉́̅͐͜o̶̥̗̪̱͚̊̾̎͒͘o̶͚̩̞̰͑͂͛͐̕͜
CRRRRK SHRRRRK VRRRTT
The hole seals shut sewed up with words and sounds and thoughts slammed closed! All that’s left cannot be seen by the naked eye but with a UV light tiny prints reveal themselves climbing up the walls. Hunting a foe as great as REDACTED is an honor but only good will serves the masses.
BBBBMMMVVVVVVMPHHHHHHMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFF
A victory roar sounds deep in the conch startling awake the beetle in the corner who was on his way to serve time for his egregious shenanigans involving a butter knife, a REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED who was quite willing to participate, two wedges of aloe vera, 19 unripe oranges (plus one ripe kumquat), -7 fellow beetles, and a slightly large clown nose that is nowhere to be found. With his life being saved he dedicates himself to the longevity of the platoons and the whimsical ways of their mighty weapons of war.
The Watsonbeagle3000 spouts its last bit of nonsense before static fills the air…
Did someone bzztbzzt let out a big one? It smells like bzzbzzt crap up in here. Don’t tell me you bzztbzzt sharted your pants again Matt bzztbzzt don’t make me get your mother
Signed,
Drug free so put the crack up
no need for speed
im anti d-r-u-g-g-i-e
my body is healthy
my rhymes makes me wealthy
and the funky bunch helps me