Recently, I have given quite a substantial amount of thought to the topic of driving. The operation of a motor vehicle is quite an odd power that humanity has gifted itself, as it is completely unnatural and altogether a bit over the top, if you ask me. However, the ridiculous concept of transportation via heavy machinery is not the reason I bring up this topic. I am writing today about the many, many errors and annoyances that people on the road make, ranging from mild to world-ending. I would also like to preface this entry by saying that I am by no means a ‘great’ driver, but I would like to think that I am able to follow the basic road rules that exist to avoid death, as well as those that are in place to make others’ lives easier, which is not something that the majority of drivers can say.
There are many things that a car can do, and that a driver should be able to do, such as move in a straight line, turn occasionally, stop, and arrive at their destination in one piece, while at the same time doing so in a timely manner. However, a staggering number of people on the road seem to fall short of these very basic expectations, and it seems to be getting worse. For example, I found myself behind the wheel the other day, driving along the excellent streets of New Orleans, when I got on the freeway, headed towards Metairie. The Freeway, where the rules of the road tied to speed and velocity are thrown out the window, and everything becomes a race against the clock, trying to make up for the time that was lost to the well-planned city streets. When I am on the freeway, I drive not with reckless abandon, but with purpose, pushing the envelope of velocity by at least 10 miles per hour above the limit, the absolute minimum when driving, at least in the humble state of California. So, imagine my astonishment when I merged onto the first lane and made my way as far left as possible, only to get stuck behind a car travelling 5 miles per hour BELOW the limit, putting us at a cool 45 on the freeway. I was traveling slower than I had ever gone on the freeway, and there were no cars in front, meaning it was their choice to move slower than a hummingbird in the middle of a dive. I simply could not believe what I was experiencing.
Another fun anecdote I would like to share with you all takes place in a different location: the six-lane freeway running between the sunny beach town of Ocean Beach and the brown, brush-covered hills of San Diego. It was a sunny Summer day in August, and I was driving home from work in quite a terrible mood because I had been working from 7 in the morning to 6 in the evening, because I seemed to be the only person who worked at the pool. After a long, rough day full of lifeguarding, teaching young children to not drown, cleaning pools, interfacing with privileged parents, and coaching unruly kind to swim the butterfly, I was understandably quire peeved. However, I did not take my rage out on the road as I might have normally done, but instead I chose to sit back and enjoy my time in the car alone before returning home to my rowdy family. As I was driving home on the freeway, taking my usual turns, the car next to me suddenly switched into my lane, with less than a car’s length of space between us. However, the worst part was that they did not use a turn signal. It was due to this grave error in judgement that I almost got into a car crash. This was significant, considering that we were on a ramp going from a 4-lane freeway to a 6-lane freeway, all while battling the traffic headed West to view the sunset. A turn signal is not the most challenging thing in the world. On the contrary, it is just a flick of the wrist, or the pinky if moving your wrist proves to be too much. It takes longer to think about doing it than it does to actually use the turn signal. However, I digress.
It is here that I must make the decision to cut myself off, as while the internet can sometimes be a good thing, in this case, it is not, as it gives me the generous freedom to release my inner thoughts out into the universe, which is not something they should be doing. In the future, I hope to write about things in a more positive light, though I fear that will not happen considering the way that my brain is wired. I fear that seeing the “good in people” is not something that was meant for me, and it is something I am accepting (it does not bother me at all; people are the worst).
– Your Minister of Propaganda