Recently, I have been doing a lot of observing. While I am always observing and taking things in, this week I have found myself in a rather pensive state. I believe this is due to the fact that my time spent alone in silence has increased exponentially because of some recent developments in the social lives of some of my very close friends (you know who you are, “friend”). However, I am not upset by this development because it allows me more time to reflect upon the many shortcomings that are present in our society. Unfortunately, I was only able to select one to discuss, though rest assured there are many, many, many more from which I could have chosen. The first issue upon which I will touch is the decision that some people choose to make to avoid checking their inbox at all costs. Not only does this drive me crazy because they just let the notifications and unread emails pile up. 1 becomes 10, then it turns to 300, and then somehow, they end up with 12,000 unread emails and they are sitting there, content, unaware in their bubble of blissful ignorance. You may be thinking, “Kenan, how does someone else’s heinously mismanaged inbox affect you in any way, shape, or form?” I will answer this by saying that on a surface level, it does not. However, it does affect me when I see that one of my friends’ digital mailboxes is in this sad, sad condition. This allows me to see how they handle things as unimportant as spam emails and gives me an idea of how they would handle other things, which ultimately gives me pause to trust them with tasks, as they cannot even handle their email. Additionally, it gives me the sense that if I were to send them an email containing my last will and testament, they would not be able to complete my dying wish because it would get buried among the other 11,999 emails from Amazon, WaveSync, TicketMaster, Chess.com, and scams from long-lost grandchildren. Dead Kenan would just be rolling in her own ashes, tucked away in her urn at the bottom of someone’s basement at the thought of my last wish not being fulfilled.
This leads me to another topic that has been rattling around inside of my brain: death, and what happens afterwards. More specifically, what happens with peoples’ bodies after they finally kick the ol’ bucket. I personally do not wish to be buried because there is a chance, however small, that I will wake up and not be able to do anything but lie in wait as the worms and insects burrow into my brain, seeping through the membranes in my eyeballs, praying for death to consume me in its entirety. However, it has been brought to my attention many times that cremation is not good for the environment. While this is a PHENOMENAL point, there are so many places and factories that are already greatly contributing to carbon emissions, so surely there is somewhere I can be thrown in a body and removed a pile of ash. As I was typing that sentence, I came up with a wonderful idea that can be summed up in one word: ceramics. Somewhere in the world there must be a ceramic factory with giant urns and other means of intense fire, and I can leave some petty cash for someone to throw me in with some pots or ashtrays or something. They could even chop me up in advance and cremate me in my urn as it is being fired, which would eliminate some of the mess, which is ALWAYS a win. After this, the only remaining step is to decorate my urn, which would be incredibly anxiety-inducing for Ghost Kenan as she watched on from her final resting place, which is hopefully somewhere positive, though not to the point that it is nauseating.
In conclusion, emails should be organized. It is not that hard, just a few clicks here and there.