Woosh!
Whistle?
CraCkle
Hello?
My telegraphiphone has been smashed … I hope that this dispatch through my divinationous crystal ball reaches the great agenda of TBSFTPOATAOSOPAOAABN, as I don’t know what other player would be qualified for the treacherous journey ahead. I have been captured by grotesque arial primates and taken to a land that seems to exist outside of the physical domains of the universe we frequent. I barely managed to defend against the evil one’s attack, but it has left me weakened and flung off the board. Finding myself on a square that is neither midnight nor quartz, but #50C878
I met a small man like creature in a meadow and we had a very interesting conversation about the relative point values of soldiers. He seemed to value my thought process, and I thought highly of his own so he took me to meet his wife and children. I have stayed with them for much of my clock-time but for every day I seem to lose I gain back an increment of 1 hour. Curiouser and curiouser. One day as I was bringing children to their equivalent of school (school here is much more akin to a 9-year old’s birthday party) the witch skewered me to a fish! I barely escaped with my nose intact! If it weren’t for my quick thinking and fire breathing toad, I would’ve been negative 5 in a polka dotted deadly endgame. Ever since day one of landing here I’ve been in an ever-losing battle against the witch which is why my rescue is ever pertinent! I don’t know how you will get here, and even more important: I have no clue how you will get back. All I know is that the monkeys keep barking about some great power apparatus they aim to snatch on OCTOBER 12TH. Make no mistake, there is a dire threat on the horizon.
Some of the creatures here are warming up to my kind ways but my enemies certainly have not. At the end of the day there is no place like home. I desperately must return to my experiments in New Orleans before they over weaken our position against more familiar a foe.
Yours Truly,
The Wizard, pinned in OZ